Louisiana

Home to Louisiana since Thursday..... I shouldn't say home because it really isn't. Depressing and sad and  hopeless. I don't see any hope for my parents. Alone. Isolated. Without God. Afraid. Dad is disappearing in his dementia rapidly. Mom is disappearing in her deafness. My heart breaks. I am overwhelmed. All I can pray is, "God, please help." 

This place where I grew up.... it is falling in on itself. Maybe if I lived here.... if I visited more, I would see some glimmers of hope and renewal. But I don't. 

I told Matt last night this visit would take a while for me to recover from. He laughed. I wasn't joking. I feel  heavy and pressed down. I have been poured into a measuring cup and tapped down to see if more can fit. It seems as if there's no more room....

Today is my sister's birthday, so I won't talk to her about mom and dad today. She was just here a week ago. My brother made a mad dash some years ago so he has no idea. And I have no idea if I should tell him... God, please help. 

I will run back to the beautiful place I live and step into my beautiful home and beautiful life full of love and joys and family and friends and God. But this place will still be here. God, please help.